Full Moon Musings: Aries Moon

Or, perhaps, "what would Beethoven do?" Um. Will get to that one anon.

Well. This was the post I was going to write two days ago. But because of full moon shenanigans, it just didn't happen. It didn't happen yesterday either, (and to be completely pedantic, it was yesterday around 6pm Australian daylight savings time that the moon was full here).

But that's by the by really. This full moon in Aries stuff has been brewing for a long time. These things always do don't they? Bear with me, as this is going to be written from a very personal angle, but I do understand if this is going to bore you to tears, or just be somewhat incomprehensible.

Big. Red. Full. Moon.

I'd be very interested to hear what your thoughts or experiences have been with this moon dear reader. Have you been feeling the Aries el moono vibes this time 'round? How has it affected you? That is, assuming you go in for all that palaver, but I do assume, if you're going to bother persevering with this post, you probably do have some kind of respec', or an element of curiosity for all that woo-bendy esoteric stuff.

According to The Knowledge, (erm?) the full moon tends to amplify many of the qualities of the sign that it is in, (sorry - I don't want to be telling you stuff wot you already know 'ere). So all that Aries stuff - the no-nonsense, straightforward, courageous, energetic, pioneering, impatient, passionate, ambitious and freedom loving, (like other fire signs), qualities, and that which is concerned with the Self and the courage to be one's self, and to trust the self. All qualities I am rather fond of. I do like Aries very much indeed. But an Aries full moon has always been a difficult one for me.* In fact, I could go as far as to say that the full moon in Aries is usually always the most challenging and downright difficult of the year. And this one was a ripper folks. I will be keeping things fairly opaque for the sake of privacy here.

Anyway, it threw me upside-down and shook me until my teeth rattled.

Let me contextualise. Although, those of a more scientific bent will ask where the blazes the context is here. I should say, let me contextualise with some astro-jive. On a personal level that is, (there is a whole lot going on at the moment with good ol' Saturn and Venus is very busy too, but I am no Astrologer, and I am just wanting to record my own personal reflections here anyway).

So. The Moon has her moon in Aries, (and this could get confusing - as I refer to both my daughter, and heavenly bodies). That makes for some interesting emotional dramas. And I have a moon in Libra (not directly opposite hers though), and am someone who prefers peaceful dealings and quietness over drama and outbursts. The Moon, a generally sunny kid, a smiley Gemini social butterfly has a very passionate, intense edge to her. And although I'm not going to stomp all over that, I'm not going to be stomped on either! But I do run for cover now and again. To my local Mexican bar for shots of tequila. Ahem.

Anyway, I swear there has indeed been some luna madness in this household that is generally very out of character. Or rather that which is already there was pumped up 100 fold. Interestingly, today, things are back to their usual calm state. The lunatic tide has ebbed. Thank f&&k. The past month has seen me withdrawing and feeling quite depressed, to the point where I haven't made contact with people much, (owe many an email - erm...apologies to those I do owe emails and/or phone calls). Oh, poor me. I've also been wondering about this homeschool thing and wondering how much of my self, (and for how long) I can give over to this. For as much as I adore aspects of it, I feel called to other things, and I want to have work of my own. I can get little more than the odd blog post accomplished at this juncture. Another source of grief actually. At times I feel utterly lost.

Another Aries aspect thingy I have going on is Chiron in Aries, in the 5th house. Now, that may mean bloody nothing to you and fair enough too. For those who are wondering what on this good green earth she is banging on about, Chiron is the planet known as the "Wounded Healer", and it's in my house of creativity - always a biggie for me. Beethoven apparently had this aspect, (along with gazillions of other people I might add, so please don't think I'm comparing myself to bloody Beethoven. Deaf, wounded, musical genius that I am. Heh). I didn't know this until a few days ago. And all this past week I have been playing loads and loads of Beethoven. I mean, loads. And I haven't really for years.** It's been the only thing that seemed to help the Depression and help shift some of that sad, lethargic energy. And to remind me of who I am, (if that doesn't sound too, too wanky and ridiculous. Which I know it does).

And I was reading about Beethoven, because I have been listening most of all to his 5th. And then I happened upon this bit of information about Chiron in the houses. And I thought "my word, that's a bit of a coincidence, wot?***

My Chiron also happens to conjunct The Moon's moon. This full moon brought all that Chiron stuff to the fore - feelings of unworthiness - particularly on a creative level and on a parenting level. Loads of grief. The kind that has left me feeling winded. And anger. Over losses - of loved ones, lost babies, and old identities.

But there's also anger around the fact that I manage to frequently, (but by no means always), draw people to me who are quite arrogant, who tell me what I need or need to do and set themselves up as knowing more than me, as Experts - who are quite competitive people. This stuff may come from their control issues or insecurities, but, despite my efforts to deflect it,(and I usually let a lot go which is often a mistake), it does somewhat diminish my confidence. And my confidence in my creative abilities. I'm not a doormat, but I think I give the impression that I'm a bit clueless and easily dominated, when much of that demeanour is more of a defence mechanism. Like a very stupid Red Setter who rolls on its back with its mouth wide open, as if to say, "hey, look, I'm stoopid, and completely harmless, so don't bite me ok?". Limited I realise.

Yep. I've really been feeling that Chiron energy.

Before I go on, my cringe over this kind of self-absorbed speak means I feel the need to clarify (or is it perhaps justify...hehe) a few things. And you may be thinking, "well, she's a whinger, what's she got to complain about?". Fair point. In my family, (my mother's side), one of the worst things a person could be is "selfish", (the most scathing and witty of verbal attacks in my family were reserved for the "selfish" and "greedy"). Artists in particular were considered selfish, (among other diabolical things), and most of my father's family are/were artists/creatives, and were considered to be really a bad lot. My mother was in many ways, a thwarted, frustrated (and very angry) artist. A close eye was kept on me as I was one of those "highly strung types", and needed to be taught to be sensible. And such like.

I was raised to be someone who held to the good ol' Scottish Presbyterian values of service to others, and to think of "all those puir starving bairns in Africa", to be grateful for what I have. And so I should be grateful, and for the most part am. And I have at times worked in jobs that have been about helping, if not poor starving Africans, poor starving Cambodians and Indonesians etc. And I've seen some truly terrible things that are impossible to forget, and know that for the most part, I have it pretty damned good. But I think a lot of the time those arguments can venture into the Puritanical, and certainly lack compassion for some of the very real suffering that those who are not starving to death, or in war-torn situations can experience. None of us are immune to suffering are we? Buddhism gets this one quite well doesn't it?

What this rearing of mine has also effected though, is that I have found myself over and over again in service to others, and to often quite selfish people - putting the needs of others first. Particularly the creative needs of others. Not as some kind of glorious martyrdom, but in the spirit of "reason" and the ever-so-deadly, "compromise". How many of us have done this, I wonder? Aries can ask us "how can I best be in the world, and how can this 'I' be of service, whilst also freely expressing the self, and my own will and desires, rather than being a reflection of others?". It's a balancing of energies that is an echo of its opposite Libra.

Anyway, there have been rumblings and Beethoven-esque thunderings, but now that the dust is settling, (or is it the fog clearing?), there have been other manifestations of this Aries Stuff too. Aries is about the birth of new projects and ideas. And although for many of you this is a Harvest moon, for us 'ere in't Nether regions of the planet, it is a Spring moon - full of flux and instability. A fiery, revitalising precursor to the beginning of the warmer months. And in Aries, there are bursts of new energy, vitality and warmth, and a clarion call to gird thy loins, (erk), and take courage to push on out of the comfort zone. No more putting things off. Adventures to be had. And all that.

Thought I would leave you with a glimpse of my quick full moon tarot reading last night...

Don't know if that pic is big enough for you to see what those cards are. So, they are from left to right: "Rebirth"(XX), The Lord (IV - and note in reverse there is a suggestion of Chiron), and Prince of Pentacles. The Fool (O) at the top is one I drew as an afterthought, on instinct. Make of it what thou wilst.

Um. Et vous? How's it all been for youse lately?

* possibly because I have both Sun and Moon in Libra. Whatever the case, I have very low energy during this full moon.

** Interestingly (?) the last time I consistently listened to any Beethoven was in the weeks immediately after The Moon's birth, and I would experience intense feelings of transcendent, ecstatic love for her. What others would refer to as Divine Love. And, even writing this seems so silly to me, but I did experience this as white light, and I would feel as though white light was shooting through my body during these moments when the music was playing and I was holding her.

***On a completely different topic, and seemingly unrelated, but maybe not, is this fascinating post over at Lisa's (Mommymystic) that kind of blindsided me. In a good way. I think. I didn't even comment because I have no idea how to articulate what it is I feel about it. Recognition? I'm yet to work this one out. It's kicked off some strange and powerful synchronicities too.